10 signs you’re a Fitbit Freak

10 signs you're a Fitbit Freak | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

I’ve recently acquired a Fitbit and I’m not ashamed to say I’ve developed a bit of an obsession.

It’s the first thing I look at in the morning, and I check it more regularly than I check Facebook, or my children.

And apparently I’m not alone.

No longer reserved for athletes or ‘sporty types’, Fitbits and other activity trackers can now be found on every second person (and their dog), from the boardroom to the beach.


Fitbit meme | That's not a Rolex, it's a Fitbit you fool | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

Last week I read this article (shared by the totes awesome Rebel Without a Pause) where a guy decided to test how many steps he took while having sex (only 33 – mate, try harder). The wife in that article was me all over – right down to the marching around the bedroom in her underwear.

I thought it was just me, but clearly I’ve joined some kind of weird cult club.

Here are 10 signs you’re a Fitbit Freak

1. The first thing you do upon waking is check your Fitbit app to see how you slept (clearly no longer trusting basic human experiences such as how you actually feel).

“How did you sleep honey?”

”5 hours, 56 minutes, with 5 times awake, 15 times restless and 47 minutes awake or restless”.

“Oh. Is that good?”

Umm… I don’t even know any more.

Fitbit sleep | Fitbit sleep tracking | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

2. You find yourself marching on the spot in the kitchen waiting for the coffee machine rather than just ‘wasting’ time standing there.

In fact, any time where normal people are standing still, you’re surreptitiously stepping your feet (but not so surreptitiously that your Fitbit doesn’t recognise the steps). Waiting for the train, in line for the bathroom, listening to your boss’ team pep talk… all stepping opportunities.

3. You get off the bus a few stops early so you can punch out an extra 2000 steps on your way to work.

Just try not to get frustrated with the other Fitbit Freaks doing the same thing in front of you.

Fitbit Freaks walking | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

4. Rather than kilometres or minutes, you talk in terms of steps.

“I’ll meet you at the café 2,500 steps from the station,” or “it’s only 1,000 steps from this shop, let’s try that one”.

5. You spend an hour running around the park with your kids, then almost cry when you realise you hadn’t put your Fitbit back on after your morning shower.

You vow to invent some kind of water proof cover for it, so you never have to take it off. Fitbitless exercise doesn’t count so why even bother?

Ran around the park with the kids for an hour - Forgot Fitbit | Fitbit meme | 10 signs you're a Fitbit Freak | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

6. The quality of your day is measured in the number of steps you managed to achieve.

If you walk through the front door with a face like thunder your partner knows your step count is below par.

“How was your day?”

“Don’t even ask!”

Fitbit meme | No point in walking if I don't have my Fitbit | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

7. On home-bound days you may be found walking laps around the backyard.

Not crazy – just Fitbitting.

Nope, not crazy, just Fitbitting | Fitbit meme | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

8. The two hours every five days you need to take it off to charge it feel like empty, wasted hours.

When will they invent a Kinetic Fitbit?

9. You spend your last hour before bed doing a complicated routine of star jumps, marching on the spot, unnecessary walks back and forth to the kitchen and trips to check the children/front door/smoke alarm, to make sure you’ve hit your target.

Your partner no longer even asks what you’re doing when you jump up every ad break during X Factor to walk to the front of the house and back.

10. The vibration you’re rewarded with when you reach your goal is actually better than any orgasm.

And you can do it in public. Winning.

Fitbit 10,000 steps | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

Are you a Fitbit Freak too?

If you’re in the market for a Fitbit OnSport has a great selection. (Affiliate link).

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