19 thoughts everyone has during a massage

19 thoughts during a massage | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

I’m dealing with a shoulder injury at the moment so have spent quite a bit of time lying face down on a massage table this past week.

Not in a lovely darkened salon mind you, with scented candles and ocean sounds playing on the stereo. No, these particular massages have seen me lying face down in a room that smells like tiger balm and BO, while a small Chinese man with freakishly strong hands pummels, prods and pokes me until I cry. The only soundtrack is the rhythmic slapping of hands on flesh, and the occasional groan (or muffled yelp). Relaxing it is not.

I’m completely useless at turning my brain off when I’m trying to relax. Meditation is my idea of torture, and just the act of laying down can make my brain go into overdrive.

Here are 19 thoughts that go through my mind during a Chinese massage.

Hot stone massage | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

  1. God that smells foul, what IS that stuff?
  2. Oh that feels nice, those hot stones are awesome, I hope he keeps doing that.
  3. Ouch. What is he doing? OUCH!! Why’s he touching my ear?
  4. Oh shit I forgot to put my phone on silent, please don’t ring, please don’t ring.
  5. I can feel my stomach rumbling, is that hunger? Am I hungry? Oh no, it’s a fart brewing – please keep it in, please keep it in.
  6. Oh this is taking FOREVER! How long has he been going for? Is it nearly over?
  7. Jeez, I haven’t seen shoes like that since 1993. Nice kicks dude.
  8. Wow, those hot stones are pretty freaking hot.
  9. But nice. Oooooh, yep, that’s nice….
  10. TOO HOT TOO HOT TOO HOT!!!
  11. Ah, that’s better.
  12. What’s on our meal plan for dinner, I can’t even remember. Did I get zucchini?
  13. Man, this guy’s fingers are freakishly strong, I wonder if he does special finger exercises to get them that strong. Finger push ups maybe?
  14. For fuck’s sake that hurts! What’s he trying to do to me?!?
  15. That guy in the next booth sounds like he’s actually dying, I wonder what the hell is going on in there.
  16. Ooooh that’s nice, yep do that, that bit right there.
  17. Oh no, I think it’s almost over, no no, please keep going!
  18. Ahhh, and now I’m going to have to do the awkward walk back to the car with my face all creased from being squished in the massage table hole. I bet I run into someone I know.
  19. Oh no, he’s finished! Was that really 30 minutes?!

Do you enjoy massages? Any tricks for quietening the mind?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

25 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge