Ben and Holly – Reimagined

Ben and Holly Reimagined | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

A re-imagined, more realistic script of Ben & Holly’s Little Kingdom.

“Somewhere, hidden amongst the thorny brambles, is a little kingdom of elves and fairies. Everyone who lives here is very, very small… (and very, very annoying).

Today’s adventure starts at the Little Castle, where King and Queen Thistle, Princess Holly, the twins and Nanny Plum are getting ready to go on a holiday to the seaside.”

 

King Thistle: OK everybody, let’s get the car packed and get on our way.

Daisy and Poppy: HOORAY! Holiday! Holiday! Seaside! Seaside!!

King Thistle: Yes, yes, it’s very exciting. Calm down please everyone. Now, do you really need both of these bags Queen Thistle? Surely you only need one. We’re only going for a few days.

Queen Thistle: Well actually darling, this bag here has my clothes in it, and that one over there has my shoes and wine in it, so if you want to have any kind of holiday fun with me,  please just shut up and put the bags in the car.

King Thistle: Yes dear. Of course dear.

The Thistle family head off on holidays | Ben & Holly | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

Nanny Plum: [saunters out from the castle] Come on, aren’t we ready to go yet? What’s taking so long?

King Thistle: Well perhaps you could get off your arse and help us Nanny Plum. If you had of actually done your job this morning rather than faffing about on the internet, we might already be on the road. Couldn’t you speed things up a bit by using a bit of magic, rather than just standing there moaning?

Nanny Plum: Oh alright then. Abraca star, pack this car!

Queen Thistle: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it everyone. Princess Holly, time to go for a wee before we get in the car.

Princess Holly: [crosses arms over body defiantly] NO! I don’t WANT a wee! I don’t NEED a wee!

Queen Thistle: Well be that as it may, we’re about to go for a long drive and you need to do a wee before we get in the car.

Princess Holly: [stomps feet] NO! I WON’T! I don’t NEED a wee!

King Thistle: Oh for God’s sake, would you just go inside and do a bloody wee so we can get this show on the road.

Princess Holly: I hate you mummy and daddy. This holiday is horrible already. You’re both poo poo heads.

King Thistle: Charming. Nanny Plum, I’m blaming you for this behaviour.

Nanny Plum: Oh big deal. It’s always my fault isn’t it. Heaven forbid you take responsibility for your own children. Come on Holly, let’s go inside to the toilet and you can have a lollipop.

Daisy and Poppy: Lollipop! Lollipop!

Nanny Plum: Err… whoops. Girls, you can talk to your mummy and daddy about that while I take Princess Holly inside to the toilet.

Daisy and Poppy: Lollipop! Lollipop!

King Thistle: NO LOLLIPOPS IN MY CAR!

Daisy and Poppy: WAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Queen Thistle: Come on everybody, let’s all calm down please…

Princess Holly: [stomps feet] I don’t NEED a wee, I don’t WANT a lollipop! I hate holidays!

Nanny Plum: Oh bugger this for a joke, I’m going to the pub, look after your own bloody kids.

[Storms off in search of wine]

Nanny Plum storms off in search of wine | Ben & Holly | www.toiletsarentforturtles.com

_ SCENE ENDS _

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