10 types of people you meet at a blogging conference
Disclaimer: This is not an exhaustive list, nor are the categories exclusive. Many bloggers will fall into more than one category at various stages of a conference. This list has also been written tongue firmly in cheek, with no malice intended. I Love Youse All!!
1. The Rock Star Blogger
Where to find them: Celebrities in the blogging world, Rock Star Bloggers can be found centre stage, or in the middle of a scrum in the networking area. Protected by a posse at all times.
Conference objective: Broaden fan base, convert non-believers, world domination.
2. The Starstruck Newbie Blogger
Where to find them: Starstruck Newbie Bloggers will often be found about 10 metres behind their favourite Rock Star Bloggers (just far enough behind to not be considered stalking). May also be found lurking around the edges of the bar trying to look casual and unflustered, thinking of witty and memorable opening lines they can introduce themselves with.
Conference objective: Work up the courage to go and say hello to Smaggle, and leave with Darren Rowse’s autograph. Often the Starstruck Newbie Blogger has stalked their favourite bloggers online to make sure they’re attending, and has memorised their favourite blog post to quote lines from.
3. The Jaded Blogger
Where to find them: Sitting at the back of the room rolling their eyes at the raw, unbridled enthusiasm being exhibited by the audience, and wondering when it all got so commercial. What happened to the storytelling guys?
Conference objective: Give the newbies a reality check that blogging is a dying art form, and that the internet is too noisy now for anyone to really make a difference. The Jaded Blogger can suck the energy out of a room in less time than it takes to say ‘monetise’.
4. The Unshackled Mummy Blogger
Where to find them: Close to the coffee station, then roaming in packs gleefully talking about how excited they are to be away from their kids. Later, you’ll find them scrolling through the photo galleries of their kids on their phones, and trying to get enough internet reception to Skype home because they miss their families so much they can’t concentrate on anything else.
Conference objective: Two full nights’ sleep and the chance to have conversations with adults for more than 20 minutes at a time. Meet Mrs Woog and Fat Mum Slim. Also, wear makeup, dangly earrings and white clothing, and give husbands a taste of their everyday lives.
5. The Whole Food, Natural, Slow Living Blogger
Where to find them: In the queue for the ‘Special Dietary Requirements’ table, or at hotel reception thanking the staff for stocking the rooms with completely stainless steel kettles, while at the same time asking if they could stop serving the food in plastic containers.
Conference objective: To connect with others who are on the same journey, and spread the Paleo/low-tox/slow-living message to as many people as possible by showing off their obvious good health (and great skin). Also to test the ability of the conference venue to interpret the GF, DF, SF, EF, V, NF code.
6. The Tweet-happy Blogger
Where to find them: Sitting up the front of the conference room, furiously taking notes and tweeting every second sentence. Not found at the social functions because they want to stay fresh for the learning. Often sporting bumps and bruises from walking into things while staring at their phone.
Conference objective: To have their tweets featured in an official run-down of the event, and get a special mention from Darren for helping to share the ProBlogger message with the rest of the world. Also, world domination.
7. The Token Male Blogger
Where to find them: Outnumbered by 100:1, the Token Male Blogger will initially be found grinning ear to ear, surrounded by excited, well-dressed and well-made-up women who are eager to network and make new friends. Later, the Token Male Blogger will be found taking shelter in the one men’s toilet that hasn’t been converted into a ladies’ toilet, just having a quiet scratch and counting down the hours until beer o’clock.
Conference objective: Meet Darren Rowse. Then become Darren Rowse. Possibly world domination.
8. The Fashion Blogger
Where to find them: Scoping out ideal locations for photos around the grounds of the conference venue, and negotiating with the hotel for a room upgrade so they have enough wardrobe space to fit all of their gear.
Conference objective: Wear every single one of the 37 different outfits they brought with them, and never be seen in the same outfit twice, or the same outfit as another blogger (the exception to this rule being anything with ‘party pockets’).
9. The Food Blogger
Where to find them: The Food Bloggers can be found hovering near the meal service tables, jostling for the best position to take an Instagram-worthy photo of the lunch offerings. Later found eating.
Conference objective: Meet other bloggers in order to encourage them to join their weekly recipe link ups. Work out the secret ingredient in the aioli. Discuss the best method for producing fool-proof meringue in the Thermomix. Eat lots of food they haven’t had to cook.
10. The Networking-like-a-Boss Blogger
Where to find them: Everywhere you turn around. The Networking-like-a-Boss Blogger had 250 blog business cards printed, and is determined to hand out every single last one of those fuckers. Networking-like-a-Boss Bloggers have their elevator pitch so well rehearsed that they can actually deliver their spiel to one person, while simultaneously handing their business card to another, becoming Facebook friends with someone else and making a date to meet their roomie in the bar after the last session.
Conference objective: Have you not been paying attention? Networking! And world domination.
Have you met any of these types at a blogging conference?