Wolves and Poodles and Everything in Between

On the weekend the hilariously awesome Hugzilla shared an article from American comedian (I refuse to write comedienne) Jessi Klein, about how women generally fall into two groups – they’re either poodles or wolves.

Poodles are those women who are effortlessly chic, and look amazing whether they’re rigged out for the Oscars or nipping to the local shop for a packet of durries in their Ugg boots. They are elegant, beautifully coordinated, and manage to, as the author says, “radiate femininity”.

Effortlessly, of course.

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman, our very own Poodle.
Image credit: Eva Rinaldi

Wolves are those of us who always look slightly disheveled, a little lopsided, and not in any way ‘effortless’. We could be wearing a designer gown, Jimmy Choo shoes and a thousand-dollar hairdo, but we’d still be easily identified as wolves.

Helena Bonham Carter

Helena Bonham-Carter, total wolf.
Image credit: David Torcivia

Poodles and wolves belong to the same species, but are literally breeds apart. I get the analogy, but I think the author didn’t go far enough.

The Chihuahua

Small in stature, Chihuahua women have a tendency to overcompensate for their petite size by SPEAKING AT THE TOP OF THEIR VOICES at all times. They will often also use their hands emphatically while they talk (yell), and have been known to jiggle up and down when excited.

Example: Salma Hayek

The Labrador

Tall and strong, Labrador women are always fun to have around. They cannot function properly without daily exercise, and are permanently in a good mood (probably from all those exercise endorphins). They also tend to have very shiny, glossy hair that they flick around with ease. Labrador women love food and hugs, in that order.

Example: Fiona Falkiner


The German Shepherd

German Shepherd women are commonly found in senior management in traditionally male dominated occupations, like construction and engineering. Or politics. They are shrewd, very intelligent, and scary as hell. Known for their tenacity, aggressive communication style and no-fucks-given attitude, you should certainly think twice about getting on their wrong side.

Example: Gina Rinehart

The Cavalier King Charles

Loving and easy to please, Cavalier King Charles women love nothing better than a snuggle on the sofa after a gentle stroll on the beach at sunset. True romantics at heart, Cavalier King Charles women are happiest when partnered up for life.

Example: Charlotte from Sex in the City

cavalier king charles

The Boxer

Those long-legged ladies who never seemed to grow out of awkward adolescence. They often look like they haven’t quite mastered control over their long gangly limbs, which are always getting in the way. Boxer women are also afflicted with what is commonly known as Resting Bitch Face.

Example: Cara Delevigne

The Border Collie

High spirited with boundless energy, the Border Collie woman will most often be found on the netball court or doing interval training at her local park. Known for wearing active-wear all day long, Border Collie women hate to sit still, and manage to turn everyday activities like housework and grocery shopping into exciting and exhilarating games.

Example: Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke


Do you relate to any of these? Any more to add?

P.S. I’m a scruffy mongrel ;).

Linking up with Kylie Purtell for #IBOT



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